Will Durst

Will Durst

By Will Durst

Some fancy-dancy public-policy think-tank just released a brand new study that speculates the legion of aging Baby Boomers will permanently redefine retirement. Mainly because so few of us will be able to afford to retire.

“Uh, lady, you want lids on these?” Fast food break rooms equipped with CPR paddles. A forest of tennis ball-footed walkers leaning against the brooms and mops by the back door. Intra-generational minimum wage squabbles: “Hey you punks, get your greasy hot apple pie holes off my oxygen tank.

One of the optimum ways our demographic bulge can beneficently alter old age is by changing what we call it. Getting rid of some of the odious appellations for senior citizenry would take a huge amount of the quease out of approaching antiquity. What we need is a calamari for the squid. Everybody loves extreme, how bout from now on we refer to the ever-encroaching condition as Xtreme Maturity?

No sense belaboring the negative aspects of the path. We are all too cognizant of its passage being one way and ever darkening. Just as easy to focus on the upside. We are not old. We are vintage. Classic. Enduring. Established. Persistent. Time-tested. Seasoned. Steadfast. Stable. Durable. Reputable. Reliable. Rare. Repositories of uber experience. Acute ambulatory aggregates of accomplishment. And laughing in the face of it all, we adamantly continue to buy green bananas and timeshares while shopping at Costco.

Our motor skills may have declined through oxidation and perhaps we’re not as quick to dodge trouble as we once were; but on the other hand, we’ve gained the hard-won ability to recognize trouble’s approach and can, most times, steer clear of it well in advance. And since we’re on a mini-roll here, what say we trot out a couple more examples of the BRIGHTSIDES OF XTREME MATURITY.

  • Can always claim the batteries in your hearing aid are shorting out. Even when you’re not wearing a hearing aid.
  • Those creaks in your bones tend to keep you alert while driving.
  • You don’t really EVER expect anybody to tell you the actual truth anymore.
  • Much less peer pressure. And it diminishes every day.
  • On spy missions, those liver spots provide perfect cover to hide microdots.
  • Just saying “irritable bowel syndrome” annoys young people so much that they go away. With alacrity.
  • Who on earth wouldn’t want to have their living assisted?
  • Only need 9 books in your library. Read them in order alphabetically then start over.
  • Pretty much any cane you wield can be set on “stun.”
  • Getting up to pee three times a night turns out to be a very effective means of home security.
  • ObamaCare totally covers Alzheimer’s, dude.
  • Always at least one ear hair so long and thick you can cut cheese with it.
  • Still doing drugs only now there’s a co-pay.
  • When properly positioned, chronic flatulence can be used as a booster rocket to rectify inertia.
  • Much easier to dress for funerals than for weddings. And they’re usually shorter too.
  • The mantra “Don’t trust anybody over 30” still applies and now includes your kids.
  • ObamaCare totally covers Alzheimer’s, dude.
  • And finally, a last example of one of the Brightsides of Xtreme Maturity: in a pinch, those nipple rings can double as belt loops.

Will Durst is a 5-time Emmy nominee; has been fired by PBS three times; told jokes in 14 countries; racked up 7 nominations for Stand-Up of the Year; and his 800+ television appearances include Letterman, HBO, Showtime, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox News, the BBC and many more.

 

171 Responses to Durst on ‘Xtreme Maturity’

  1. ct says:

    All I can say is…ROTFLMAO ROTFL

  2. ct says:

    I think that is what the little emoticon is doing. Don’t have a lighted magnifying glass. I hope it’s not a little crab, as in pediculosis, and it didn’t jump off on me. Winter weather causes enough itching.

    You guys amused me last night. I love it when that happens. With this blog post, I hope we’re in for more of the same today.

    Life, if you can’t beat it…ROTFLYAOAI. roll on the floor laughing your ass of at it. It’s the antidote for it.

  3. ct says:

    They keep coming up with new ways to make crazy, painful old age fun. At least until they can find a way to pull our plugs. They’ll never find me here at the Swamp and I have a moat and gators. My electronic bug zapper will bring down any close drones. Make My Day!

  4. ct says:

    For more on insanity, you can check with your sister station…the Swamp. I’m fixing to dive in. I have the time now.

  5. Nash 2.5 says:

    A while ago I hurt my knee and had to temporarily use a cane.

    I discovered that when you have gray hair AND a cane, people are really nice to you.

    Attractive young women were holding doors open for me, and smiling.

    Then I stopped using the cane and went back to being invisible.

  6. Bill Woerlee says:

    You haven’t read the book. You haven’t heard what no one is talking about. There is nothing you have missed except this year’s sensational horror movie:

    BEAK

    It goes where no movie dares to go. It is not for the faint hearted.

  7. ct says:

    Still LOL.. I feel the endorphins flowing. I could get off to this stuff.

  8. Bill Woerlee says:

    Been MIA for the last week on assignment. But all in a good cause. On 24 May 1917, a French test pilot, Maurice Ernest François GUILLAUX, was killed while test flying an aeroplane at what is now the site of the French airforce Base aérienne 107 Vélizy-Villacoublay just outside of Paris. Strangely, in November 1917, a rumour was circulated in the press stating that GUILLAUX was shot as a German spy in a plot that reads like an early version of the Machurian Candidate.

    GUILLAUX will be unknown to most Americans but in Australia, he became one of our aviation heroes pioneering the airmail route between Melbourne and Sydney in 1914. His aeroplane used for this adventure is still hanging in our Sydney Powerhouse Museum.

    My reason for entering into this was the discovery of a secret police file on this man and his friend Jean “John” Claude Charles MARDUEL when the rumour began in Australia. MARDUEL had returned unfit from Palestine in 1916 and because of his friendship with GUILLAUX, the paranoia of the times meant that he too was suspect.

    Over the last few days, I have been able to dig out the story and confirm that GUILLAUX was indeed a hero and the spy story was a dreadful slander. So the name is cleared with the evidence placed on display.

    In the meantime, I am trying to track down the root of the rumour. That is a whole new investigation. A bit tougher too since no one had any idea about how the story started in 1917. Hopefully I can find something almost a hundred years later.

    If you are interested in reading this story, go to:

    Maurice Ernest François GUILLAUX, Hero or Traitor?

    Thing about GUILLAUX was that he looked and played the role of the dashing aviator and almost looks like the iconic model for later heroes of the air. Have a look at his pic and you decide on this matter.

  9. sturgeone says:

    Rand Paul probably coulda used a Stadium Pal.

  10. patd says:

    “47 percent of you can’t take a joke.”

    bobby jindal, gridiron club last night

  11. patd says:

    bill, imo your daring young man in the flying machine looks more like snidely whiplash

    robert redford (in out of Africa and waldo pepper) looked more like my idea of the iconic pilot hero.

  12. ct says:

    You do realize Sturge that there are such a thing as condom caths. At least there used to be. They were used in hospitals and nursing homes. I hated them, putting them on and taking them off. It’s kinda difficult to put them on a worm that can change sizes when manipulated.

  13. ct says:

    Forgot my little…. Big Smile

  14. Bill Woerlee says:

    And for the history buffs, and those who like what buff looks like, here is an interesting and very relevant question.

    Below is a photograph which has an altogether familiar theme but also something very unnatural.

    I’ll leave it up to you folks to make the connection.

  15. patd says:

    bill, what say ye about the bbc piece on Canberra that I posted 10:16 a.m. yesterday? any truth in it?

  16. sturgeone says:

    I bet a cathet hurts.

  17. jace says:

    Extreme maturity simply means that you can hide your own Ester eggs. Frown

  18. patd says:

    ct, hope you got hazard pay for such occasions

  19. sturgeone says:

    You can hide your own easter eggs but then you gotta try an remember what you’re hunting for.

  20. jace says:

    Bill Woerlee,

    Re: your 8:12 AM

    Is that someone we should know or just a really shitty picture of Bob Shrum? Laugh

  21. patd says:

    jace, looks like it might be
    wilbur mills on top
    fannie foxe below

  22. sturgeone says:

    Re Bill’s 8:12 AM….

    I see breasties. Connection made.

  23. chloe says:

    Craig,

    What a great post to feature today. It is sooo funny (but the tiny truth of the non-humorous parts are unfortunate).

    My favorite funny parts (although I love them all):

    BRIGHTSIDES OF XTREME MATURITY.
    -- You don’t really EVER expect anybody to tell you the actual truth anymore.

    -- Still doing drugs only now there’s a co-pay.
    ………………..

    None funnier than Nash’s though:

    “I discovered that when you have gray hair AND a cane, people are really nice to you.

    Attractive young women were holding doors open for me, and smiling.

    Then I stopped using the cane and went back to being invisible.”

    Mr Cellophane

  24. jace says:

    Sunday Serendipity.

    Sometimes you just gotta’ feel it. Enjoy!

  25. chloe says:

    Jace,

    Another great Sunday Serendipity!

    The grilled cheese conversation you started last night was so funny, as well as evoking such a nostalgic and endearing memory from Dex (he seems to have so many and has a wonderful way of sharing them).

    Dex, from your comment: “So far my pancake and waffle making is still OK…it is hard to mess up a recipe out of a box, add water, cook”. http://craigcrawford.com/2013/03/09/rand-paul-has-a-point/#comment-313343

    Most of my cooking skills have gone away too. But I think I lost them ‘on purpose’. That way I have an excuse, and use it I do. Smile

  26. jace says:

    Patd,

    The Wilber and Fanny show is not something I care to contemplate prior to breakfast. In retrospect it was kind of funny, in sort of a sad way.

  27. jace says:

    CT and Sturg,

    If you slip those condoms over the end of your cane it will keep it from slipping on the ice.
    Extreme Maturity is the mother of invention. Smile

  28. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Why do the Koch brothers hate democracy
    They have funded something called Cause for Action which is clogging up the courts with nuisance lawsuits

    They are currently funding a lawsuit to allow commercial operations in the Point Reyes National Seashore
    They may be the biggest pigs ever

  29. jace says:

    Thanks Chloe.

  30. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    patd says:
    03/10/2013 at 7:59 AM

    “47 percent of you can’t take a joke.”

    bobby jindal, gridiron club last night

    where’s the joke? Maybe Bobby can do an exoticism on the goopers

  31. whskyjack says:

    Not sure why but things seem to be organised in fives this morning.

    The five biggest lies about entitlement programs

    Jack

  32. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    One of the most dangerous things any society can do is to stereo type people so they can be treated like a class.

    It’s bad enough to when others do it but when you do it to yourself that’s a crying shame

  33. chloe says:

    ” God forbid anyone with a divergent opinion resonates with the public consciousness.” http://craigcrawford.com/2013/03/09/rand-paul-has-a-point/#comment-313322

    One of my favorite lines from Silver Linings was Bradley Cooper’s character telling Jennifer Lawrence’s character that she was rude. When she said he was the one who was rude, he answered something like: ‘No, I’m not rude, I just tell the truth.’

    “There is, perhaps, one universal truth about all forms of human cognition: the ability to deal with knowledge is hugely exceeded by the potential knowledge contained in man’s environment. To cope with this diversity, man’s perception, his memory, and his thought processes early become governed by strategies for protecting his limited capacities from the confusion of overloading. We tend to perceive things schematically, for example, rather than in detail, or we represent a class of diverse things by some sort of averaged “typical instance.”

    JEROME S. BRUNER, Art as a Mode of Knowing

  34. jace says:

    KGC,

    The 47 percent have a great sense of humor. They laugh at republicans all the time.

  35. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Jace

    The 1% has no sense of humor and their enablers even less
    The Republican leadership redefines dour

  36. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    I’m sorry I missed the grilled cheese discussion.
    For a friend’s birthday last summer we had a grilled cheese party…the favorite was cheddar on sourdough with bacon and tomato.

    My personal favorite is blue cheese and procuitto

  37. chloe says:

    “One of the most dangerous things any society can do is to stereo type people so they can be treated like a class.”

    Yes, the problem starts with our politicians and their polls. Our government and media have promoted stereotyping more than anyone else.

    Even whole states have been stereotyped, most notably the southern states.

  38. Flatus says:

    From Durst to Dust has a message for all named age groups.

    By and large the people born before the War have been frugal, often to a fault. We deeply appreciate that our parents, and their parents left us tangible wealth, of whatever amount, because it reflected real sacrifice on their part.

    Likewise, we have tended, aside from education, to defer our ‘passing of wealth’ until we have kicked the bucket preferring that we leave unencumbered assets along with tangible wealth that should kickstart boomer retirements.

    Now, boomers, what you must do to protect your own interests as well as those of your children and grandchildren is fight like hell in a successful effort to protect the benefits that FDR recognized as being essential to a civilized society.

  39. sturgeone says:

    Local Colloquial :

    “Ha ha, Clem done ate the cheese on Old Ralphie….”

    means Clem ratted him out.

  40. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    The first thing we have to do is fight the use of the word entitlement

    For social security and medicare it should be paid for benefit PFB or earned benefit anything that makes it clear — this is paid for not a gift

    If anything social security should be expanded because no one else is reliably delivering pension benefits

  41. eProf2 says:

    Greetings from the desert.

    Laughed all the way through Will Durst’s article, Jace’s Sunday Serendipity, and PatD’s Muppets with our Tucson neighbor, Linda Ronstadt. Speaking of Ms. Ronstadt, she is the embodiment of our border culture as her great grandfather, Federico Augusto Ronstadt, married a Mexican woman, her great grandmother, in the 1840′s when Tucson was still a part of Mexico. Her father, Federico José Maria Ronstadt, was a wagon maker and contributed to the early city transit system. Her family is well known in Tucson. Her grandfather owned a metal manufacturing company and her brother was Pima County sheriff for ten years. In addition to her popular music, she is well known for her Spanish language albums, Canciones de mi Padre, throughout the southwest and Latin America.

    This morning’s posts got my old bones going and the laughter so hard that the walls shook. Great way to start a Sunday!

  42. eProf2 says:

    Just one of Linda Ronstadt’s Mexican canciones:

  43. RebelliousRenee says:

    I’ve finally caught up…. again. (why are there so many chores to do after a vacation… especially that mountain of laundry (insert whatever face suits you)).

    I agree with Nash about Rand Paul.
    I agree with eProf… politics can be soooo fuuuuuny.

    But I especially agree with KGC… we must fight the term “entitlements”… no more Frank Luntz’s bullshit, please.

  44. RebelliousRenee says:

    Craig… thanks for the Durst… despite the humor… he’s probably spot on with most of that list.

    ps… hope you got your laundry done too.

  45. Jamie says:

    Thoughtful quotes and commentary worth reading: 15 Things Kurt Vonnegut said better than anyone

  46. Flatus says:

    Spring must be here--it’s 70-degF outside!

  47. patd says:

    add to durst’s another “one of the optimum ways our demographic bulge can beneficently alter old age” would be the ever-increasing importance of mass transit may induce congress to reinstate public rail systems.

  48. Jamie says:

    Well you folks can age away. I’m being 36 for the 33rd year in a row Cool

  49. whskyjack says:

    Jamie from your Vonnegut quote link.
    Possibly my favorite

    15. “We must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
    In Mother Night, apolitical expatriate American playwright Howard W. Campbell, Jr. refashions himself as a Nazi propagandist in order to pass coded messages on to the U.S. generals and preserve his marriage to a German woman—their “nation of two,” as he calls it. But in serving multiple masters, Campbell ends up ruining his life and becoming an unwitting inspiration to bigots. In his 1966 introduction to the paperback edition, Vonnegut underlines Mother Night’s moral: “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” That lesson springs to mind every time a comedian whose shtick relies on hoaxes and audience-baiting—or a political pundit who traffics in shock and hyperbole—gets hauled in front of the court of public opinion for pushing the act too far. Why can’t people just say what they mean? It’s a question Don Imus and Michael Richards—and maybe someday Ann Coulter—must ask themselves on their many sleepless nights.

    Jack

  50. chloe says:

    “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.

    Great choice, Jack.

    “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”
    Buddha

  51. Flatus says:

    I’m not surprised by any of KV’s choices. But, I was pleased by nr.4 as I talk to babies. And their mothers’ express pleasure as I talk to them, as do the babies themselves; they like being taken seriously.

  52. Flatus says:

    The thought just flashed through my mind, do they have a ‘pay-as-you-go’ somewhere close to the Sistine Chapel?

  53. Jamie says:

    Flatus,

    Number four was my favorite as well. “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

    It takes so little effort to take just a moment to try to do the kind thing. We all slip up, but just get back to it. The world is much nicer if you make a habit of smiling.

  54. solarcrete says:

    I refuse to be ‘Xtreme Maturity” or any kind thereof.!

    Beg for them, barrow them, or steal them…..three things that are guaranteed to keep you young and going…

    First of all….the skins, rinds of fruits, plants etc. are where all the healthy vits are…not in the meats….so I juice them. Specially in the skin of grapes…or do what the ….Spider Gal does…..she drinks a lot of wine….wonder how she got up and down those slopes with out falling over the side of he mountains…..

    Second of all…..exercise….we are not human…we are still apes that need to move around…we are hunter gatherers…and our brain hasn’t changed hardly at all for the last million years….we need to at least walk a cpl of miles a day, go dancing, even if its by yourself in the front room….learnt how to do the lambada while exercising……and eat less Junk……..Cheese<, Cheese?….

    Third……Go pay, for it, barrow it, steal it…..or just wait by the door until
    ….Sex. Why sex U say? helps fight off bad bacteria, plus many other reasons, geneticist say that it repairs damaged dna….thats good enough for me…..

    Can;t remember it all…but just came into the old cabeza…. Darwin wrote this:

    "Birth after birth the line unchanging runs, And fathers live transmitted in their sons."
    ^
    ^
    ^Each year that passes (something like that) beholds the unvarying kinds, The same their manners, and the same their minds…………………

    Judy likes to spend some time alone after Mass..she is due home now…….will wait on top of the refrig…and pounce….maybe a little later my memory will come back about the last part of that darwin……….wait just thinking about ….made me member….its called "The Temple of Nature"

    The Power of Parasite are just hidden away waiting to take advantage of our bad judgments: how we treat our bodies.

    "The chessboard is the world, the pieces are the phenomenons of nature, the rules of the game are what we call the laws of nature."

    -Carl Sagan?

    Back to off and on lurking for a little, later.

  55. Jamie says:

    It’s not on line yet, but the March 8 Charlie Rose featuring Alan Alda and a group of Psychologists/brain scientists talking about new discoveries about the interchange in mind/body discoveries. It was a fascinating discussion, so you might want to keep an eye out for it: Public Policy and the Science of the Mind

  56. Flatus says:

    Jamie, an anecdote. Two or three weeks ago I was walking into Kroger from the car on a really foul-weather day. I must have been thinking sublime thoughts because a woman laid her hand on my arm, looked me in the eye, and said, “You have such a nice smile.”

    Needless to say, we made each other’s day!

  57. solarcrete says:

    E-Prof,

    thank U for all of that info about Linda R.

    I love all of her songs that she does in “Canciones de mi Padre” as well as all of her spanglish songs…….will put them on now while getting my butt up to exercise….

  58. Jamie says:

    More additions to the kindred spirits column. Canciones de mi Padres is permanently ensconced on my phone and Kindle. Great music by an amazing talent.

  59. jace says:

    Solar,

    To paraphrase Winston Churchill, “I have taken more from cheese than cheese has taken from me” Smile

  60. jace says:

    That whole hair in the ears thing is such a nuisance.

    They are so hard to get at with a string trimmer. Big Smile

  61. RebelliousRenee says:

    Vonnegut was a very interesting character. I’ve read most of his books and he said some of the most profound stuff. He’s been idolized by baby boomers… especially for Slaughterhouse Five.

    I read his biography by Charles Shields this past summer.
    He really wasn’t a saint. He was like any other human being…. good parts and bad parts. Such as he took in his sister’s kids after she died from cancer… but barely paid them or his own kids any attention. He was a terrible husband to his first wife… then treated his second like she was the boss.

    The biography is entitled “And So It Goes… Kurt Vonnegut: A Life. I highly recommend it to any Vonnegut fan.

  62. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Jamie says:
    03/10/2013 at 3:44 PM

    Flatus,

    Number four was my favorite as well. “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

    It takes so little effort to take just a moment to try to do the kind thing. We all slip up, but just get back to it. The world is much nicer if you make a habit of smiling.

    I sincerely hope there is a special place in hell for people of any age who are mean to children just because they can

  63. xrepublican says:

    “MARDUEL had returned unfit from Palestine in 1916 and because of his friendship with GUILLAUX, the paranoia of the times meant that he too was suspect.”

    I gather that Marduel was sent home because he was considered a risk -- or worse. So, what is the secret police record on Marduel, I wonder.

  64. Teleonomous says:

    “…our brain hasn’t changed hardly at all in the last million years….”
    --solarcrete

    In this technological time maybe about time it took a hop, eh?

  65. Teleonomous says:

    There are new versions of neurotransmitter receptors and transporters.
    and there are new versions of genes that play a role in brain development.

  66. ct says:

    Come on people, pick it up. I’m not ready to be through with the Sunday funnies yet.

  67. Teleonomous says:

    Smile maybe a katrina joke?

  68. ct says:

    “ct, hope you got hazard pay for such occasions”

    And no Patd, no hazzard pay. I think some of those guys thought that it was reward enough that we got to play with their worm.

    Forgive me for using the term worm to describe such an important body part. It’s just easier to visualize trying to put a condom cath on it without it sounding like porn. If the worm was too stiff when you put the cath on, it could fall off when it softened. It the worm was a little to soft when you put it on and it stiffened up, you could have a tournaquet. I hope they stopped using those darn things.

  69. ct says:

    Hell no Teleo. That would set off my PTSD and you wouldn’t want to see that.

  70. ct says:

    Is Teleonomous an alias? Do you go by another name… that smells as sweet?

  71. ct says:

    If you think the term worm sounds too small, you haven’t seen these Canadian cold worms that I fish with. First time I open a carton of those, I had to jump back.

  72. Teleonomous says:

    no thats my real name

  73. Teleonomous says:

    you know what it means?

  74. ct says:

    Well, I found… Teleonomy “the quality of apparent purposefulness of structure or function in living organisms due to evolutionary adaptation” Merrian-Webster Online

    It’s just that we have a few multiple personalities here who pop up with different names every now and again.

  75. ct says:

    No disrespect to multiple personalities intended. Keeps things interesting…and confusing..which is already a state I’m familiar with.

  76. Teleonomous says:

    i was hoping to gain some explication since i am not sure if i have it right.
    .

  77. jace says:

    CT,

    In my younger and dumber years, I was pretty certain that it was a snake. Now days , worm seems fairly apt. Frown

    No offense taken. Smile

  78. ct says:

    Won’t get it from me since I even had to look up the word explication! You want to hear some big medical words that I know? How about Rhabdomyolysis. Once took care of someone with that. She died, sorry to say.

  79. jace says:

    Teleonomous.

    Welcome.

    It may be best in some instances not to ask for ‘explications’. Just smile, post, and roll with the tide.
    All will become apparent, or not, in due time. Big Smile

  80. ct says:

    LOL Jace. Working in corrections for 11 years, I have lots of experience with worms, yeah, many were snakes and often entered my exam room a couple of minutes before what they were attached to. Smile

  81. Teleonomous says:

    i read a book on medical terminology but i dont know that word

  82. jace says:

    CT,

    In the corrections business, there are undoubtedly many snakes in the grass. Smile

  83. ct says:

    I assume pun intended?

  84. ct says:

    Jace, I’ve always heard that it’s not the size of the worm but how many fish it can attract that counts. Hmmmm, some feminist organization will come down on me for that analogy.

  85. jace says:

    CT

    Pun always intended. Smile

  86. jace says:

    CT,

    I will clean it up now. ‘Trail Mix’ is a G rated site you know. Big Smile

  87. whskyjack says:

    CT,
    I’m suprised you are not familiar with the term. In fact just this morning the wife and I were talking about it when I turned and said—-

    Teleological descriptions and explanations refer to purpose as consequent to a phenomenon. They become nonteleological if purpose is represented as antecedent to the phenomenon. Such nonteleological statements are called teleonomic, especially when they refer to antecedent genetic “programs.” In behavior analysis, purpose is attributed to the organism’s history of consequences. Such a history may leave a trace—physiological (mechanism) or mental (cognitivism)—or the issue of traces may be irrelevant (contextualism). The history or trace is antecedent to current responding, and thus is not a teleological concept in the classical sense. It could be called a teleonomic concept, but this designation is undesirable if it implies exclusively genetic programming, because the history or trace is genetically programmed in evolutionary selection but not in ontogenetic selection. Therefore, the concepts of teleology and teleonomy are not useful for behavior analysis, and invoking them can be misleading. The concept of purpose can be useful if it is not reified.

    If you made it this far—--

    Grin Duck and run

    Jack

  88. ct says:

    Nope Jack, my tires are stuck on the second sentence and spinning.

  89. jace says:

    Jack,

    You and your wife have amazing conversations over your morning coffee. Good on you both.

    Could you please put that in layman’s terms?

  90. ct says:

    Here’s a big word that we’re all familiar with:

  91. whskyjack says:

    G for goofy?

  92. ct says:

    Today was a nice respite from all that ails us. Well…actually, it was all about exactly what ails most of us…old.

  93. chloe says:

    “To paraphrase Winston Churchill, “I have taken more from cheese than cheese has taken from me”

    … Jace, I can only assume Churchil was talking about calories and fat. Smile

  94. solarcrete says:

    I have always been interested in the study of human nature. One would be surprised how much we don’t have freedom of will, some, but hardly any.

    There are so many different kind of organisms…….in our organism that are in a daily battle in order to be the one that gives us the virus that will do us in one day….but there are also those that come to the rescue and clean up their act…

    Bad habits are what they are waiting for…to take advantage of the hosts…us…in order for them to have little virus babies…..a never ending battle…this is where the Gene that is called the “selfish gene comes from….

    A great book that does a complete analogy of things living, with plenty of references…..is called “The Red Queen sex and the evolution of human nature”

    If you follow this and other information….it is possible to see where the “origins” of life began.
    Even an amoeba has a distant ancestor bacteria…..

    We come from one of ten or more hominids…..we apes are the winners of an lottery that left us as the big winners of it all. That is until we eat up all of Goats Island….Earth….

  95. solarcrete says:

    Last one for me about this age thing….as we get older….they can tell if you are going to be around for awhile…by the length of the stings in you dan…make that dna. later

    Chloe,

    I was not paying attention to my mouse…..I always let it play by itself…..but when i did…it was hovering around your avatar….M is sure one pretty little tejana……later

  96. chloe says:

    Love having you here, Solar.

    I’ve felt so good the last few weeks. Find it hard to want to argue about any of the stuff that I used to think was important (especially since those particular things are only important to to me, and don’t have anything to do with others).

    They say human children are ego centric until around 7 years old. I’m thinking it keeps going on at some level long past that. I mean we all can mainly only learn from our own experiences, and they all differ.

    I’m tired tonight. Hope you all have a good evening. See you tomorrow.

  97. solarcrete says:

    85,84,83

  98. chloe says:

    “Chloe,

    I was not paying attention to my mouse…..I always let it play by itself…..but when i did…it was hovering around your avatar….M is sure one pretty little tejana……later”

    That means a lot to me Solar. Thanks.
    The personal things, the kind things, the essence of all ‘that is you’ is all that has ever really mattered.

    It’s so good to see that you are still you. Your goodness, your sincerity, your very being…. that’s what I’ve always loved most about you. Still do.

  99. chloe says:

    82, 81, 80.

    I still always think about you when I reverse those at night. Smile Never stopped.

  100. chloe says:

    … when you’re around, you make me feel like I’m a better person. Thanks for being here.

  101. solarcrete says:

    Chloe,

    “I’ve felt so good the last few weeks. Find it hard to want to argue about any of the stuff that I used to think was important (especially since those particular things are important to to me, and don’t have anything to do with others).”

    Sorry, I didn,t say that about free will (forgot) to argue whether we do or don’t….just what Ive found out.

    There is so much communication between the brain and the body going on all of the time….specially the stomach…that it is literally telling us what we need to do to make it happy….if the brain ain’t happy….we won’t be…….

  102. xrepublican says:

    One dinosaur says to another, “Let’s become birds.” And then they do. This is non-teleological.

  103. xrepublican says:

    Anteater snouts with long snouts are more successful at getting ants, giving them more energy to spawn and pass on the long-nose gene, so anteater noses get ever longer. This is teleological.

    Or, I have them backwards? Ignex, I need your learning on this.

  104. whskyjack says:

    Ron Finley: A guerilla gardener in South Central LA

  105. chloe says:

    “Sorry, I didn,t say that about free will (forgot) to argue whether we do or don’t….just what Ive found out.”

    I knew that, Solar.

    I actually made that comment before I even knew you had gotten back online. Say all the things you say and believe. I love hearing them.

    I hope you remember that I’ve always felt we can all disagree and still all be right.

  106. xrepublican says:

    Sorry, IxC, I am having a sinking spell.

    I’ll read up in the am.

    G’night.

  107. solarcrete says:

    Habitat and diet drives evolution…..there was a missing link between dinos, and birds….they found it….think it was in Pennsylvania years ago….

    I taped last weeks history Chanel “the bible” tonight is the second installment….i read the book….im sorta afraid with wasting my time watching it……but im going to, just to see how closely they follow the bible……specially Deuteronomy…where it says to kill your brother, father, mother, sister….even your crazy aunt Sue……if they mention any other god that is not my Yah-way…..

    The end of organized religion…the end of wars….

    Sam Harris puts it the best in his book. “The end of Faith” religion, terror, and the future of reason….

    X, those beers sound good, haven’t’ heard of a cpl…will try anything….thanks

  108. solarcrete says:

    “Anteater snouts with long snouts are more successful at getting ants, giving them more energy to spawn and pass on the long-nose gene, so anteater noses get ever longer.”

    That depends on where the anteaters are. If one group is hundred of miles away from the other….and find food at a different level…they will have shorter noses….and when they do spawn….the ones that inherit this ability more…..will will have the ability to leave more short, or longed nosed anteaters……….but that is a good enough example of it all…….or did they get on Noahs sinking boat, and find the ants there to eat, and the long nose comes from smelling the air for land?

  109. whskyjack says:

    Quote of the day

    Growing your own food is like printing your own money.
    Ron Finley, guerrilla gardener

  110. solarcrete says:

    After a century of hypotheses without conclusive evidence, well-preserved fossils of feathered dinosaurs were discovered during the 1990s, and more continue to be found. The fossils were preserved in a Lagerstätte — a sedimentary deposit exhibiting remarkable richness and completeness in its fossils — in Liaoning, China. The area had repeatedly been smothered in volcanic ash produced by eruptions in Inner Mongolia 124 million years ago, during the Early Cretaceous Period. The fine-grained ash preserved the living organisms that it buried in fine detail. The area was teeming with life, with millions of leaves, angiosperms (the oldest known), insects, fish, frogs, salamanders, mammals, turtles, and lizards discovered to date.

    The most important discoveries at Liaoning have been a host of feathered dinosaur fossils, with a steady stream of new finds filling in the picture of the dinosaur–bird connection and adding more to theories of the evolutionary development of feathers and flight. Norell et al. (2007) reported quill knobs from an ulna of Velociraptor mongoliensis, and these are strongly correlated with large and well-developed secondary feathers.[5]
    A nesting Citipati osmolskae specimen, at the AMNH.

    Behavioural evidence, in the form of an oviraptorosaur on its nest, showed another link with birds. Its forearms were folded, like those of a bird.[6] Although no feathers were preserved, it is likely that these would have been present to insulate eggs and juveniles.[7]

    Had to find these in a whole shit load of Bookmarks….time clean them up when it takes a cpl o min to get to the bottom….anyway just one of many places to read about 2 plus 2 = 4:

    http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/The-Origins-of-Life.html

    http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/smartnews/2013/03/life-on-earth-may-have-been-seeded-by-comets/

    Thats it tired now…an hr later than usual?

  111. Bill Woerlee says:

    Pat, thanks for reminding me …. NOT!

    Lots of people have different opinions about Canberra, and usually none of them good. It’s like they invented a long running joke in Oz and we are the punchline.

    The article is reasonably accurate and well written. Those outside opinions can be taken as read.

    But then I have lived in most major Australian cities and a few regional cities and some bush towns. In my 20′s and 30′s I loved Sydney and got there as often as I could. My aunt’s house was on the north shore overlooking the harbour bridge so it was an easy commute to everywhere. Loved it.

    Now with her indoors needing to visit most of the major hospitals in Sydney for various reasons, I’ve grown to hate the place for all its inconvenience. Too many people, too much traffic and everyone is in a hurry. Give me Canberra where five cars at an intersection is our definition of gridlock.

    Canberra is the home of all the major Australian archives. Being a researcher, this is like nirvana.

    I have access to every newspaper, magazine or book ever published in Australia in the National Library where under law, everything ever published in Australia must deposit a copy.

    I have access to every recording or movie ever produced in Australia at the National Sound and Film Archive. All our government produced documents for the last century are stored in the National Archives, which are just down the road for me -- 15 minutes and I am in their reading room ready to work. Anything military, my specialty, and we have the Australian War Memorial and ADFA archives on hand. ADFA is the Australian equivalent of West Point. Asio, Asis, JIO and all the other intel agencies have their archives at hand. It is archive heaven.

    On a personal note, my nephew, who is doing his MBA lives with us while I have a daughter living a hundred metres away from me with her husband and our 3 grand kids. There is another daughter living about 20 mins away with her family and my son who lives 10 mins away with his family. 3 kids and partners and 7 grandkids. They are so close. So is my ex-wife and my children’s half brother whom I treat as a son who has just broken into the major football league as a professional umpire at 20.

    Which reminds me, we get all the codes of sport here. And I love my football -- all four codes -- and cricket. Basketball is dominated here by the Women’s League. We are not a sport capital but we have capital sports.

    And best of all, every Wednesday night, her indoors and I enjoy date night. This is where I take her out on a date to a fancy restaurant. We get dressed up in our finery and behave as though it is our second date ever. (The first date is always the awkward one -- sort of the job interview without knowing the cv in advance.) All our kids know this is our sacred day and never to interfere with it. And here is the kicker -- because it is an expense account town, the city is filled with quality restaurants within minutes of our house. 15 minutes drive to our favorite Italian restaurant, La Dolce Vita, is the longest drive we have and best of all, we can usually get a parking place within 50m of any restaurant we visit.

    So do I love living in Canberra? You betcha. And I have a sneaking suspicion that most of the detractors secretly admire our very easy and spoilt lifestyle. And make no mistake about it, we are spoilt rotten. But I deserve it

    Cheers.

  112. Bill Woerlee says:

    Regarding my 8.12, I wanted folks to reflect upon the remarkable work of Sir Harold Delf Gillies (17 June 1882 – 10 September 1960) New Zealand-born, and later London-based, otolaryngologist who is widely considered the father of plastic surgery. His devoted work at Queen Mary’s Hospital, Sidcup from 1917 ensured that over 2,000 horribly mutilated soldiers from the Western Front could return to an almost normal life with the worst of their disfiguring injuries disguised through the then revolutionary technique of plastic surgery.

    Those interested in viewing the records of the 2,328 men who received facial plastic surgery from Dr Harold Gillies can do so here:

    Search Gillies Archive

    And that is the connection. Lilo’s breast augmentation -- illustrated below -- and the most sought after plastic surgical procedure could not have happened without Gillies’s work and the 2,328 men whom he helped.

    Something to think over.

  113. Bill Woerlee says:

    Chloe

    I’ve felt so good the last few weeks. Find it hard to want to argue about any of the stuff that I used to think was important

    Onya.

    Love the way you express things.

    And I love your new avatar.

  114. ct says:

    Before Craig puts up another post, I’ll leave you with this comment. I had this young male patient at the joint who came in complaining of some anal problem. He really wasn’t a bad kid but he kept getting in trouble because he had nowhere to live and he was kinda used to hanging out at the jail.

    Well, I never cared for having to do anal exams but it WAS my job so I asked him to bend over and spread his cheeks. I did have on my cheaters because of my older age presbyopia. I leaned in just a little to get a better look and when I did, he cut the cheese. I really don’t think he did it on purpose and he did say…I’m sorry. The gust of wind parted my hair. That was the last time I asked any inmate to do that without being prepared with a gas mask. I thought to myself, you dumbass. I was talking to myself. Now that’s when I needed hazzard pay.

  115. ct says:

    I told that story when it happened, either here or at the Swamp. Some may remember. I can finally tell it without shaking a little. I never had any kids of my own but I sure did help raise a lot of them over the years. I think that is one developmental task we all must participate in even if we don’t actually bare the children ourselves. I missed out on the cute and cuddly age with my kids. Most of my children were all in their adolescence, not necesarily in their actual age but more in their maturity. Whether my inmates came in at 16 or 86, most still were stuck in adolescence. I hope I got extra points for having to deal with that.

  116. ct says:

    As tough as some of the assignments I got in life, there were many opportunities for entertainment. You can get through anything if you can just learn to laugh, often it’s at yourself.

  117. Bill Woerlee says:

    Hey Carol, that is a blast from the past.

    Laugh

  118. ct says:

    Good one Bill! You guys never let me down.

  119. Bill Woerlee says:

    For your memories Carol.

  120. Bill Woerlee says:

    Carol, you gotta realise that as a kid I was raised on this stuff. It tormented the souls of every demented child. Then we all grew into adultery.

    Here is Adophus Spriggs singing his famous number: “I’m Walking Backwards for Christmas”.

  121. Blonde Wino says:

    The baby boom generation is a train wreck on the third rail.

  122. Blonde Wino says:

    KGC…some excellent observations. Last century’s demographic bulge has been lumped together for a life time and now when it is our turn at the public trough, we are being sent back to work IF we can find it. If not, we must learn to live on the pittances we have left among the ashes as issued by the republican’t party.

  123. ct says:

    Interesting that we got the name “boomers” We didn’t know what that was going to mean, did we? Cry

  124. Blonde Wino says:

    CT…this has been talked about for 65 years, nothing planned just like all of those pregnancies after WWII.

  125. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Now the goops claim we have to repeal the Affordable Care Act that’s their negotiating point on the budget
    Hey jerks — you cannot cash losers tickets at the winners window* you lost the election and people hate you because of your myopic and monumental stupidity

    And I’m sure Sheryl Sandberg is a well meaning person whose words are being parsed into absolute crap. All she said is that sometimes women hold back and they shouldn’t
    you don’t need a nanny to be a leader in your neighborhood

    We are the victims of the worst media ever
    and while I’m ranting on that issue — the whole reality tv things needs to be over.

    *Mayor Joe Alioto

    And if I had extra money I would give it all to Ashley Judd so she can kick Mitch McConnell to the curb
    I’m sure she would be better and she would make Runt Paul look bad most of the time.

  126. Blonde Wino says:

    Bill Clinton left enough for the boomers…and the republican’ts have squandered my retirement for a religious crusade. I would have never placed my retirement money on a bet for ‘winning’ the war in Iraq. At least not the whole pile of money.

  127. Blonde Wino says:

    The can’ts! Always talking about taking care of future generations! More BS. Well, now it is this future generation’s time to collect on the promises and payments. You can’t skip a generation just because it is so large…we are TOO BIG TO FAIL!

  128. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Here’s reason number 1 why Jeb Bush won’t be president
    he thinks Shrub was a good president and that history will show that…really? More like the bottom five Jeb.

  129. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    I think anyone who voted for Bush and supported the Iraq war and ate freedom fries should forfeit their right to collect social security and medicare. They squandered their share.

  130. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    BW

    The goops want to kick the Boomers to the curb
    They would like to kill off the entire generation
    that would save a lot of money

  131. Blonde Wino says:

    Both Ashley Judd and Runt Paul are 5′ 7″ — same height. Judd will tower over Paul. He is such a small minded man.

    Both Jeb and Runt are sporting presidential wear. Their suits they wore on tv were of the finest quality. Sack cloth for the rest of us.

  132. ct says:

    Nope BW, people don’t think ahead. All these shooting and people thinking that more guns are the answer and now the superbug scare which has resulted from everyone thinking they needed an antibiotic every time they had a sniffle. Failing to think ahead with both of these issues may solve some of the boom problem. When we refuse to think ahead, the Universe may just have to do it for us.

  133. pogo says:

    The ‘pugns are the only political party I can imagine who thinks it’s good policy to sacrifice the current generatins to save the yet to be born ones.

    I love Will Durst.

    Solar, those fossils give teh evolution deniers heartburn.

  134. Blonde Wino says:

    CT…I think some of us planned for retirement, but were knocked-off track by the grand republican’t recession.

    From Time, 1986.

    The politicians knew this was coming, really. It was the can’t war chant that sucked the money away from humans.

  135. ct says:

    I planned also but listened to the wrong people and lost a big chunk of my retirement savings. Y’all probably remember all the crying I did back then.

  136. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    The party of responsibility wants to pretend they had nothing to do with the problems we face today when they are the absolute direct cause. What a pile of dodo they dumped on everyone and now are trying to blame everyone but themselves.

    Before it just made me angry now I literally hate them
    I want them stomped into dust and everyone who supported them should be made to apologize to the rest of us.

    I’m still all bent out of shape because the Koch heads are funding nuisance lawsuits to stop environmental actions. They really are at the top of the list for piggish behavior.

  137. ct says:

    Our politicians only look for a fast buck now and back then and much of it probably has and is going into their own pockets. I’ve been worrying about the consequences of most of what they have been doing, for years.

  138. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    The mortgage crisis was encouraged and promoted by Shrub
    and the false reason he gave was that home ownership would protect us from domestic terrorism. Give everyone a stake kind of thing. That was his excuse for doing away with normal banking requirements.

    And let’s not forget that Jeb working for Lehman Bros sold the fla teachers a whole pile of worthless paper — did he give back from his commission. I didn’t hear anyone talking about that …just his newfound love of immigrants.

  139. jace says:

    Why is it that my retirement date coincides with my funeral? Pain

  140. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    The media is trying to make the discussion about the areas where the gop is trying to fake us out. All these prominent
    turds now supporting gay marriage….what a pile of dodo
    I quite linkin because they kept sending me stuff about Meg Whitman the big giant forehead failed candidate and failed business leader. Please lean back Meg and take Scary with you

    And immigration --just a bunch of lunzisms

  141. ct says:

    It’s National Napping Day. I’m planning on celebrating. I’d recommend that the rest of you do also. There are lots of benefits.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/11/nap-benefits-national-napping-day_n_2830952.html

  142. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    And I don’t care who the next pope is
    they are just a bunch of men in dresses with no respect for women

    They protect molesters and the guy from Boston is charming but the same.

    And boys — over 70% of catholics think birth control and abortion should be allowed.

    I hope the catholic church destroys itself

  143. jace says:

    “And I don’t care who the next pope is
    they are just a bunch of men in dresses with no respect for women”

    Ya’ but they wear really cool shoes. Big Smile

  144. sjwny says:

    Remembering the people of Japan today, as bits and pieces of what was their lives washes up on our West Coast.

  145. RebelliousRenee says:

    sjwny… I’ve read that Japan isn’t anywhere near recovered from what happened 2 yrs ago. I wish them well too…. except for those that still hunt whales… sorry, but that pisses me off.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the Catholic church picks the guy from Boston as it’s new poop… oooops, I mean pope. The church’s membership is in steady decline over here… what better way to try to mitigate that and maybe bring back some lapsed members as well as new ones by naming an American as the new pope. It won’t bring me back… ever.

  146. jace says:

    An American Pope? That would be intriguing.

    I suppose he would repeal Obamacare.

  147. chloe says:

    “Why is it that my retirement date coincides with my funeral? ”
    “Ya’ but they wear really cool shoes.”
    “I suppose he would repeal Obamacare.”

    Jace,
    ROFLMAO!!!
    I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who is not taking things so seriously anymore (at least for the time being.) Smile. Thanks for the laughs!!

  148. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    If the Catholic Church thinks like the goopers they will pick a minority pope from a “third” world country who is more conservative then the one they just had

  149. Flatus says:

    When I was switching airplanes in Tokyo last August, a kindly old gentleman, older than I, pushed my wheelchair at least half a mile. He was obviously a victim of official Japan. For me to offer him a pourboire would have been insulting for him.

  150. chloe says:

    “Onya.
    Love the way you express things.
    And I love your new avatar.”

    Bill!

    I appreciate that so much and most especially because it’s coming from you (who I respect so much).

    The avatar is my 4 yr. old grand baby (at least she’s still a baby to us). She’s lived with hubby and me since shortly after she was born, and we love her beyond description. Her name is Emma, but we often fondly call her M (like the boss lady in 007)… and bossy she is. Smile

    Her mom is now in the Army, but hasn’t made it through Boot Camp yet. I know how hard it can be just getting through that phase. She’s 25 and most are probably in their teens. They train the women right along side the men now, so the females ‘really’ don’t get any special treatment.

    Oh well, we want equality (me included). Always have to be careful what you wish for.

  151. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    What RR said about Japan
    all of it

    And the suicide rate is really rising

  152. Jamie says:

    Bill,

    Keep meaning to have you prowl around for any modern day Bisset family members in your neck of the woods since they would all be my distant cousins.

  153. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    This is an article about my niece

    http://alumni.arizona.edu/communications/article/1586

  154. chloe says:

    Forbes Thought Of The Day
    “ A man without self-restraint is like a barrel without hoops, and tumbles to pieces. ”
    — Henry Ward Beecher

    ooooh, this quote makes me realize I’d better work harder on that ‘not taking things as seriously’ thing.

  155. chloe says:

    The only reason I saw that quote at ‘Forbes’ is because I was going over there to check out this article (synchronicity?).

    1.6 Billion Rounds Of Ammo For Homeland Security? It’s Time For A National Conversation

  156. chloe says:

    KGC,
    A wonderful article!

    Is Siri Chand Khalsa your niece? If so, you must be very proud!

  157. jace says:

    KGC,

    Wow, she is smart, thoughtful and beautiful. Smile

    Thanks for the link.

  158. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Siri is my niece. She became a Sikh a number of years ago.
    She had studied in Indian quite a bit including several stints at ayurveda medicine. She is what you want in your doctor.

  159. Katherine Graham Cracker says:

    Wow, she is smart, thoughtful and beautiful.

    and in Arizona

  160. jace says:

    KGC,

    A delightful and much needed counter point to discussions of ‘extreme maturity.’

  161. jace says:

    “and in Arizona”

    KGC,

    Thank God for that, we need all the smart ones we can get,
    helps balance out the Jan Brewers and Joe Arpios.

    She deserves our thanks.

  162. Ignex says:

    “there was a missing link….they found it…think it was in Pennsylvania years ago…” -Solar

    I’ll vouch for that: I went to high school with him.

    Post your email, and I’ll send you a link, Solar. I would just put it in chat, but we don’t have a chatroom anymore.

  163. Ignex says:

    I need your learning on this.

    I’m fresh out- I think I lost the last shred of it last night, in my sleep.

    Ooh, wait: гудженне. One thing left.

  164. patd says:

    They train the women right along side the men now, so the females ‘really’ don’t get any special treatment.

    chloe, except when it comes to hair cuts.
    seems the same justification for shaving male heads (lice, cleanliness, ego, at al) should apply to females.

    anyone know the answer?

  165. Ignex says:

    “I hope the catholic church destroys itself”-KGC

    I’m not sure I disagree, but hopefully the other two Abrahamaic religions follow suit. At the very least: “tax all churches”.

  166. Ignex says:

    Always a new thread just as I start to build up steam.